Bipolar 2 From Inside and Out

Archive for the ‘mental health’ Category

Why I Hate TV Drug Commercials

Just as a general rule, I dislike commercials for any drugs. They impede the doctor/patient relationship. (I’ve often considered saying to my doctor, “I’m supposed to ask you if Latuda, Humira, Prolia, Viberzi, Lunesta, Cialis, Trulia, Trintellix, Keytruda, and Boniva are right for me.”) TV – and to a lesser extent print – ads encourage people to act as unpaid drug reps. And they only advertise expensive drugs until they go generic, which is when they stop being expensive and the drug companies stop making so much money.

(If you want to read more on the issue, go to https://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=106198.)

But there are other things about TV drug ads that make me more than a little cranky. Like where are the ads for drugs to treat bipolar disorder?

Oh, there are ads for drugs to treat bipolar depression, as well as ones for treating non-bipolar depression. You’d think that with approximately 2.8 million people who have bipolar in the U.S. and Canada (http://www.pendulum.org/bpfacts.html), there would be a market for bipolar treatments.

Also, the ads for depression treatments don’t always get it right. A few of them say that depression is more than just sadness, or that it lasts for several weeks at least. One even says that depression is a “tangle” of symptoms, which is certainly true. (Although the tangle is shown graphically in primary red, yellow, and blue, which don’t really say “depression” to me.)

Most, however, treat depression simplistically, with hidden depression represented by a smiley face mask hiding a frowny face mask. (The colors in that ad are muted during the “before” scenes and more vibrant during the “after” scenes, which is an old advertising trick.)

The ads also make it look like the most important thing about depression is not spending time with your family or not enjoying it if you do. While that certainly is one symptom of depression, it is by-and-large irrelevant to people like me, who don’t have 2.1 school-age children to take on picnics. And it’s pretty much a guilt trip for people who do.

Then there’s how the people in the ads are represented. Oh, they almost always show one POC and one slightly older person (frolicking with the grandkids). But all of them are attractive. All of them are models. Are we supposed to identify with them? Or just expect to look like them when our depression lifts?

I wouldn’t be so annoyed by this issue if it weren’t that ads for other kinds of drugs – those for psoriasis and diabetes, for example – have actual people with the disorder in them. Testimonials from those who’ve been there, as it were. Even real-life cancer patients are now featured in ads for treatment centers.

What’s up with that, I wonder? Surely they don’t imagine that only pretty people get depression or bipolar. It can’t be that they can’t find any well-spoken, real-life people who can relate their own experiences. I for one would feel more reassured if I heard about a treatment from someone who’s lived with the disorder instead of from someone selected at a casting call. Are we all homely and illiterate? (I meet the qualification for literacy, at any rate.)

Instead of trying to convince us what medications our doctors might prescribe us, the airtime would be better spent on ads that educated the public on depression and bipolar disorder. But those would be PSAs, of course, appear only at 3:00 a.m., and not make anyone any money.

Update: I have finally seen an ad for a drug to treat bipolar 1 mania. Everything else I wrote here remains the same.

 

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“Lock Up the Crazies Before They Hurt Someone”

Mass shootings and the public reactions to them are pretty predictable among the mental illness community.

One thing you hear after every mass shooting – and after many smaller ones – is that the mentally ill should not have access to guns.

Fine. But I have bipolar disorder, as well as some guns that I inherited from my father. I occasionally go to a gun range and fire them, but not often since I’m not the gun aficionado my father was.

So what am I supposed to do? Sell the guns? Give them away? Turn them in to the police? My therapist? I was taught gun safety from a young age by two certified pistol and rifle instructors (my parents) long before I received my diagnosis.

The further you go into the debate about guns and the mentally ill, or about whether the mentally ill are a danger, the deeper you get into fundamental constitutional, legal, and medical issues, as well as considerations of simple practicality.

Some advocate locking up the mentally ill. This is irrational. What the proponents really mean is “Lock up the dangerous mentally ill before they become mass shooters.” And that is impossible.

First, there’s the matter of due process, which is as much a part of the Bill of Rights as the vaunted Second Amendment is. You can’t just lock people up without a trial or at least a hearing.

Second, there’s no way to determine whether a mentally ill person is likely to become a mass shooter or any other kind of danger. The only generally known predictor of violent behavior is past violent behavior. In fact, there’s no way to tell whether any given individual is going to become a mass shooter. That’s because it’s really hard to predict the future.

Third, there’s the consideration of medical decisions and the right to privacy. HIPPAA has gone a long way toward protecting the privacy of patients – including the mentally ill. At the moment, a mentally ill person can only be held for 72 hrs., and then only if the person goes to the hospital voluntarily or is determined to be a danger to self and others. That’s a high standard, and it should be.

Fourth, the mental health system is already understaffed, underfunded, and overwhelmed. There are long waiting lists for beds in hospitals and treatment facilities. Are we to build new asylums to accommodate all these supposedly dangerous persons? Train more counselors to treat them? Or just lock them up and get them out of sight, out of mind?

Fifth, the idea that mentally ill persons can be forced to accept treatment and take their medication as prescribed violates several basic rights. My mother, who was not mentally ill, hardly ever took her medications as prescribed. She would quit taking one after a few days “because it wasn’t helping” or “it caused sores in her mouth” – without telling her doctor. Should she have had a caregiver to monitor her compliance? Who would monitor all those potentially noncompliant mentally ill persons as they take their psychotropic drugs? I see, we’re back to putting them in asylums.

Besides, refusing treatment is a right that patients have – even mental patients. Physically ill patients, for example, can choose to forgo chemotherapy or dialysis or medications that cause side effects worse than the condition they’re prescribed for. And mental patients have the same right. They can stop taking a medication because they fear side effects like tardive dyskinesia or even weight gain, though we hope they consult their doctors first.

But forced treatment and forced medication, as some have suggested, brings us back to the question of who, how, and where. Asylums? Court-ordered treatment? Medications that must be taken in the presence of a doctor or a therapist (who is not qualified or licensed to dispense medication)?

Take all those arguments against forced treatment of the mentally ill and add the fact that the mentally ill are far more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators of it, and where are we? Admittedly, the mental health “system” is broken, or at least badly fractured. But is the answer really to take away the civil rights of people who have broken no laws?

The press and the public are quick to focus on the mentally ill as the culprits in mass shootings. But even if they were correct, taking away fundamental rights would not only be no real solution, but would chip away at the rights of other disenfranchised or minority populations – the homeless, for example.

If there’s a solution to this problem, I don’t know it, but locking up the “crazies” isn’t it.

 

If you want to read more on both sides of the issue, see the L.A. Times article by Paloma Esquivel at http://www.latimes.com/local/la-me-adv-lauras-law-20140310-story.html.

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Mental Illness, Faith, and Sin

This post started for me when I read a headline that said “What Made Mental Illness a ‘Sin’? Paganism.” It was by the staff of Christianity Today.

The article spoke of an evangelical women’s conference where “speaker Rebekah Lyons, in telling about her daughter’s anxiety attacks, suggested that mental illness could be healed through prayer.”

That’s a subject that I took up not long ago in this blog . In that post, I said, “In my opinion, what you can’t do is ‘pray away’ the bipolar disorder. If you’ve got it, you have to find a way to live with it. If prayer helps you do that, more power to you.” I stand by that.

But the CT article did not really explain how paganism was involved. To get a grasp on that, it turns out that you should go to the podcast “Quick to Listen,” episode 94, on Apple Podcasts. There Amy Simpson, author of Troubled Minds: Mental Illness and the Church’s Mission, explains that by paganism, she means the early Greek and Roman civilizations and their many deities, who saw some physical and psychological conditions as punishments from on high.

This link between mental illness, sin, and spirituality “isn’t really a Christian or religious idea,” says Simpson. “It’s really rooted in superstition and a misunderstanding of what mental illness is.”

The Christian Bible betrays some misunderstanding itself, when at least some of what we would today consider schizophrenia, other psychoses, or even epilepsy are defined as demonic possession. The Catholic Church, it should be noted, still – though rarely – performs exorcisms. And there are definitely still churches that equate mental illness with sin:

The bible makes it very clear that insanity, depression, anxiety, stress, paranoia are the punishments for living a sinful rebellious life contrary to the moral pattern revealed by God in the Bible. Remember, insanity is not a bodily disease, it is a behaviour choice. The only “cure” of insanity, is repentance of the sinful lifestyle and the sinful behaviour choices to solve the problems such a sinful lifestyle creates.

Leah Godfrey wrote an article that appeared on TheMighty.com. It was titled “5 Unhelpful Things Fellow Christians Have Said About My Mental Illness (and My Responses).” In it, she addresses the complicated topic of mental illness and the sometimes insensitive reactions of Christians to it. For example, to those who represent prayer as a power that can heal mental illness, she responds:

Yes, I do believe in God’s healing, that’s why I’m taking medication… because I’m blessed with enough resources to get help to be healthy again. I understand that some people … heard a sermon and *poof* they were healed; I am not that case.

And on the subject of suicidal thoughts, she says:

Yes, you can be a Christian and have suicidal thoughts. We all have thoughts of things we shouldn’t do or won’t do….I don’t believe anyone has the right to take a life, including their own. I’m a Christian who has had years of suicidal thoughts or thoughts of self-harm… Suicidal thoughts are lies we tell ourselves.

Such issues are not limited to the Christian community, however. In researching modern-day paganism (which is what I thought Christianity Today was going to talk about), I found a number of interesting resources. One talked about problems of sexual and emotional abuse within pagan groups and among their leaders, a subject hardly exclusive to the pagan community.

In fact, in my reading, I was interested to learn that pagan communities and Christian communities sometimes address mental illness in similar ways, and how one could benefit from the other’s perspective.

For example, I found this statement:

Many religious communities have support groups and other resources for members who suffer from mental illness. These kinds of services are desperately needed in the Pagan community. We need to learn from other religious communities and adapt to the needs of our own community.

Another pagan author, Luthaneal Adams says:

Can a person find that paganism is beneficial for their mental health? Certainly.  I’d say that spiritual fulfillment is one element of mental wellbeing.  If Paganism is what helps you find that spiritual fulfillment, then great. However, that is not the same as saying that Paganism (or things within Paganism) are themselves tools for achieving better mental health…. When it comes to mental illness, we’re talking about major, chronic illnesses.  No single ritual or ceremony is going to make that just go away.

Other fascinating subjects regarding Christianity, paganism, and sin are the multiplicity of sects and practices and beliefs in both forms of spirituality; the circumstances for excommunication and disfellowship as regards “sin” or disruption of the community; the question of “sinful” behaviors caused by mental illness; and so on.

I don’t have the theological background to address these points. But, to sum up what I found: that mental illness is or is not a sin, depending on whom you ask; that paganism, as well as Christianity, concerns itself with the mental health of its practitioners; and that many spiritual traditions advocate compassion for the mentally ill and an understanding of their suffering.

Certainly there exist both Christian and pagan communities that are more judgmental or less inclined to minister to the sinful or the mentally ill, rather than rejecting them.

These are things that all faith communities need to address.

References

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2018/february-web-only/mental-illness-sin.html

https://wp.me/p4e9Hv-B6

http://www.bible.ca/psychiatry/psychiatry-mental-illness-bible-sin-guilt-conscience-cognitive-dissonance.htm

https://themighty.com/2017/03/christianity-mental-illness-anxiety-depression/

https://paganactivist.com/2014/04/09/pagans-mental-health-and-abuse/

https://paganleft.wordpress.com/2006/09/10/mental-illness-in-the-pagan-community/

https://www.luthanealadams.com/authors-blog/mental-health-and-paganism

 

 

 

 

 

Category:

mental health

Books About Bipolar and Other Fun Topics

I love reading. Always have – except for the period when a major depressive episode stole it from me –https://wp.me/p4e9Hv-qp. I’m never more than two feet away from a book or, at this point in my life, an ereader. Reading is how I explore the world.

So naturally, in trying to better understand my disorder, I read about it. And because I’m interested in psychology in general, in addition to books about bipolar disorder, I read about other mental illnesses as well.

Let me share some of my reading with you.

For sheer delight as well as profound insights, try Jenny Lawson’s Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things. Amid the hilarious stories of life in her other-than-typical family are insights into depression and social anxiety, along with a manifesto of defiance – the will to be, well, furiously happy.

The other easily approachable book is Allie Brosh’s Hyperbole and a Half: Unfortunate Situations, Flawed Coping Mechanisms, Mayhem, and Other Things That Happened. What started as a humorous blog grew into a book (with quirky illustrations) featuring two chapters in particular, “Adventures in Depression” and “Depression Part Two,” which are about as good as writing about depression gets. A second book, Solutions and Other Problems, was scheduled but has been postponed indefinitely.

And while we’re on the subject of funny books about mental illness, there’s Surviving Mental Illness Through Humor, an anthology edited by Jessica Azar and Alyson Herzig.

Perhaps the best-known book in the field of bipolar disorder is An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness, by Kay Redfield Jamison. In it, Jamison deals openly and honestly with bipolar disorder, particularly with mania and psychosis, along the road to becoming a doctor herself. She has also written Robert Lowell, Setting the River on Fire: A Study of Genius, Mania, and Character, about the famous modern poet, but I haven’t read it yet, so I can’t comment.

Birth of a New Brain: Healing from Postpartum Bipolar Disorder, by Dyane Harwood, is another recent book that I haven’t read yet, either. But I know Harwood’s writing and expect it to be a stand-out, as well as the only book I know of on that particular topic.

Other books on bipolar disorder include Lost Marbles: Insights into My Life with Depression & Bipolar by Natasha Tracy.

For books about depression, the definitive work is The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, by Andrew Solomon. A thorough examination of depression, including the author’s own, it is practically a reference book on the topic, though much less dry than that makes it sound.

Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness, by William Styron, is another classic on depression that I really ought to read, but haven’t yet because I’m not that fond of Styron’s writing. (Sophie’s Choice is his best-known work.)

For mania, I recommend Just Like Someone Without Mental Illness Only More So: A Memoir, by Mark Vonnegut, M.D. The son of Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., the author deals less with his celebrity father, instead focusing on his saving-the-world-style mania during his pursuit of an M.D. degree.

Other books that I can recommend include:

  • My Lobotomy, by Howard Dully, a memoir of a boy who was lobotomized for no particular reason other than the fact that his stepmother hated him, and the difficulties he encountered in and out of institutions.
  • Ten Days in a Mad-House, by Nellie Bly, early undercover journalism at its finest. (I wrote about her experiences in one of my earlier posts: https://wp.me/p4e9Hv-hG.)
  •  Shrinks: The Untold Story of Psychiatry, by Jeffrey A. Lieberman, a history of the development of the field from the buried memories days to the biological understanding of today.
  • The Man With the Electrified Brain: Adventures in Madness, by Simon Winchester (who also wrote The Professor and the Madman, about the making of the Oxford English Dictionary). Despite the title, this is not about electroshock treatment, but rather dissociative states.
  • Rebooting My Brain: How a Freak Aneurysm Reframed My Life, by Maria Ross; and My Life Deleted: A Memoir, by Scott Bolzan. These books, about a cerebral accident and amnesia, respectively, don’t speak directly to bipolar disorder, but I found them interesting as accounts of rebuilding one’s life after a significant mental condition.

And for an opposing point of view, if you must, there’s Anatomy of an Epidemic: Magic Bullets, Psychiatric Drugs, and the Astonishing Rise of Mental Illness in America, by Robert Whitaker. Once you’ve read the title, you pretty much know how the book’s going to go; I don’t recommend this anti-psychiatry screed.

What books do you recommend? Which have helped you?

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Handling Hypomania and Shopping

I know it’s common when hypomania or mania hits for the bipolar person to go shopping.

The thing is, I hate shopping. Always have. Probably always will. I don’t like to shop for clothes or groceries or shoes. I don’t like to go out to stores.

Ah, but there’s always the Internet (I hear you say). You can shop without ever leaving your house, or for that matter your desk chair.

The problem is, I don’t have any money to spend on online shopping. And that’s one of the reasons I don’t have a credit card. It’s too easy to spend non-money.

What I do have are a debit card and a PayPal account. If there’s no more money on my debit card, too bad – I have to reload it (or more likely ask my husband to reload it). This requires taking money out of the bank account.

The PayPal account is where I usually get paid for the bit of writing and editing I do from home. I really should roll that money straight into the bank account.

But sometimes I don’t.

In fact, when the PayPal well is dry, it reverts to my backup payer – which is my bank account. It does this automatically. My husband never knows about it, since I’m the one who handles the online banking.

You see the problem here. I could shop to my heart’s content, and pay with PayPal/bank account as long as there was money available. Theoretically, I could bleed it dry.

Even with my meds working and all the progress I’ve made, I still get hypomania occasionally. I try to keep the shopping under control as well as I can.

There are several dresses in my closet that I never wear because I hardly ever go out, especially to places where a dress is necessary. I even have a party dress that I bought recently. It’s really becoming. But I never go to parties. I was just overwhelmed with the butterfly pattern and how cheap it was ($20).

But still, five dresses in two or three years isn’t bad, considering. (I once actually hyperventilated over a dress, and often do over amber jewelry.)

The real problems I have always had are books and music.

When I was still going out to malls and shopping centers and the like, the bookstores were always my downfall. My husband would take my arm and steer me past them, unless he was jonesing for a book too.

I’m trying to keep my online book-buying to a semi-reasonable level, too. I buy full-price books only when they’re absolutely essential – the last book Sue Grafton ever wrote, for example, which is not going to be discounted anytime soon.

For the rest of my ebook purchases, I subscribe to various newsletters that present me with cut-rate book choices every day. (Early Bird Books and Book Bub, for example). These books sell for $.99 (rarely), $1.99-$2.99 (usually), or $3.99 (occasionally). Once in a while I can even get a free classic – for instance, Tess of the D’Urbervilles or Ivanhoe (which I don’t recommend) or Journal of the Plague Year.

Back when I was going out, in the days when I did that, my other hypomanic shopping thrill was the used CD shop. I had a strategy for curbing my hypomania there, too, even though I didn’t know that hypomania was what I was feeling at the time. I would fill my little basket with everything that caught my eye.

Then I would weed. I made three piles – must haves, can pass on, and maybes. Then I would angst over the maybe pile, juggling price, artist, essential tunes, and the like until I had the piles down to something more manageable. Under budget or just a wee bit over. I can do the same with my online “cart.”

Again, this is a thing that could get me in trouble on the Internet, but since I have all those CDs and have loaded them all into iTunes, I seldom get the music shopping urge anymore.

So, yes, I do hypomanic shopping and no, I don’t let it break the bank. Just chip away at the edges.

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Twelve-Step Groups for Bipolar?

Why are there no 12-Step groups for persons with bipolar disorder?

There are a number of support groups, both online and in local areas – and even a Facebook page called Bipolar Anonymous (https://www.facebook.com/bipolaranonymous38/) – though it’s not a 12-Step group and seems to consist mostly of posted memes of encouragement. They describe themselves as:

a group page for people who suffer from a Mental Illness, or are having a rough time of things, to seek out people with like problems, for support and a place to vent.

My short answer is that a 12-Step program would not work for bipolar disorder.

It’s not that people with bipolar don’t need AA. Some do. As James McManamy says at Health Central (https://www.healthcentral.com/article/bipolar-and-alcoholism-is-aa-the-only-game-in-town):

One-half of those with bipolar experience alcoholism at some stage in their lives, far more than the general population. Four in ten experience other substance use issues. This extra burden comes at a huge personal and family and social cost. As if bipolar weren’t bad enough, already.

However, at many 12-Step meetings, according to David Oliver (http://www.bipolarcentral.com/articles/articles-644-1-Ailcoholics-Anonymous-and-Bipolar-Disorder.html), alcoholism is the only condition discussed at meetings. Bipolar disorder is considered an “outside issue.” However, he also notes that for those with a dual diagnosis:

Part of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is to get a “sponsor.” A sponsor is a person who will help the member through the 12 steps of the program, to help them stay sober, and to help them deal with the issues surrounding their alcoholism.

Hopefully, the member with bipolar disorder can find a sponsor who is sensitive to the fact that bipolar disorder is one of the issues that does, in fact, affect their sobriety.

Another facet of AA that can be applicable to those with bipolar disorder is Reinhold Niebuhr’s Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.

But as to the 12 Steps themselves, only a few are likely to be helpful to bipolar sufferers, and several apply not at all. Let’s take a look at a few:

  • We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.
  • Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

These, the first two steps, are problematic if you replace alcohol with bipolar. We are not powerless over bipolar. There are treatments, involving therapy and/or medication, that give us power to manage how bipolar affects us. And that Higher Power so essential to AA – often expressed as “God as we understand Him” – will not restore us to sanity, through prayer may help us get through the difficult times associated with the disorder. (https://wp.me/p4e9Hv-B6)

On the other hand, a few of the 12 Steps may be relevant:

  • Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
  • Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Few would deny that bipolar disorder has often been a factor that affected our relationships with others. We can certainly acknowledge that we have hurt others as well as ourselves while in the grip of mania and/or depression, and we can offer or try to make amends.

But, overall, it seems that 12-Step programs are not for us.

What is there to suggest instead? Here are two places to look:

  • Therapist-led support groups in your area
  • Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA), which offers online and in-person peer support groups or chapters http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=home

DBSA has a page that helps you locate support groups in your area. Unfortunately, there are none within a reasonable distance of where I live.

However, I could always start one. And so could you.

Also, I invite you to write any number of steps that would be appropriate for a support group along the AA model.

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mental health

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Helping a Loved One Get Help

You can’t make someone get help for a mental illness problem. It is that person’s decision, unless he or she is actively psychotic or suicidal, in which case you can call the police or take the person to an emergency room, if possible.

But other than that, all you can really do is assist another person in getting the treatment he or she needs. There’s still a lot you can try.

Let’s say, for example, that Jill notices her partner Jack seems depressed and the depression has lasted several months or worsened over time. Maybe he is moody, sleeps too much, doesn’t seem to enjoy anything, and hardly talks to her. Maybe Jack spends too much money that they can’t afford. Maybe he talks about death.

Jill knows a little something about mental health issues and realizes that Jack is in trouble. What can she do?

Listen. If Jack communicates at all, Jill listens to what he says. She should especially listen for clues that might indicate suicidal ideation. But she also listens carefully to any problem Jack discusses: “I miss the house I grew up in, now that it’s been sold.” “I think the people at work are talking about me and laughing at me.” “I don’t want to wake up in the morning.”

Encourage him to go to his primary care physician. PCPs are the first line of defense in dealing with mental health problems. The doctor may administer a depression screening checklist. She may prescribe antidepressant medication. If Jack wants her to, Jill can go into the doctor’s office with him. He may need help expressing his feelings and talking about his symptoms.

Proactively encourage him to seek help. This can also be called, or seem like, nagging. But if Jack continues to suffer symptoms, Jill reminds him that help is available and that she will help him get that help: “You feel miserable all the time. Don’t you want to feel not-miserable, like you used to?” “You know how much therapy and meds have done for me. They could do the same for you.” “Your friend John is also concerned about you. He and I both think you need help.”

Investigate options. Considering that Jack is immobilized by his suffering, Jill researches local therapists who are taking new clients, who take their insurance (if any), and who deal with mood disorders. Community mental health clinics shouldn’t be overlooked. Jill makes a list of four or five possibilities.

Extract a promise. Jill’s observations make her frightened for Jack’s safety. She gives him a deadline and gets him to promise to call someone on the list of therapists by Monday, say. This is also proactive encouragement.

Go with him to the first (intake) appointment. Jill drives Jack to the office and waits for him while he sees the therapist. Afterward, she asks general questions: “How did it go?” “Did you like her?” She doesn’t ask for details. Those are between Jack and his therapist.

Facilitate. Now that Jack is getting help, Jill helps him keep track of appointments, medications, and the like. These may seem like things Jack could do for himself, but until his mood changes, he may need her help in following through.

Of course, the helper and the helpee in this scenario can be of either sex. They may have a romantic, sexual,  or family relationship – or not. The important thing is that someone be willing to take on the role of helper until the partner, mother, son, friend, or whoever gets enough help to take over the tasks of getting treatment.

It takes work on both their parts, but help is available. You can make a difference for someone who is suffering.

Category:

mental health

Back to the Therapist

A number of months ago (about seven according to my blog, which is the main way I measure time), I stopped going to my psychotherapist (https://wp.me/p4e9Hv-xj). There were a number of reasons, but here’s the main one:

My sessions are mostly an update on what’s going on in my life at the moment, plus a recap of my recurring problems. But those problems are ones I’ve faced before and know how to cope with. I already have the tools I need and use them without needing a reminder.

This week I had a new session with my therapist, also for a number of reasons.

My triggers are looming large. The last time my brain broke, there were a number of stressors piling up on me. Financial reasons. Health reasons. Relationship reasons. Job reasons. All combined with good ol’ bipolar, type 2.

Now those stressors are back, in slightly altered versions. So far I’m holding my own, but I know there’s a danger that they will do the same to me as they did the last time.

I’m catastrophizing. The lurking triggers are setting in motion a thought process in which I assume the worst. And the stakes may even be higher this time. Financially, we could crash and burn, owing our souls to the IRS and maybe losing our house. I need a reality check from someone outside. (I’m also consulting a tax attorney; these fears aren’t completely all in my head.)

I need another person in my support system. My husband is great, but I can’t always talk to him about my problems. For one thing, he’s not objective, since he’s facing the same stressors I am. And my friends offer me encouragement and moral support, but I hate to do a total meltdown in front of them. Dr. B. has seen it all and helped.

I need emergency help readily available. My irrational thinking at times such as this has caused me some suicidal ideation in the past. I know that’s not the right thing to do, but my brain has betrayed me before now and I can’t guarantee it won’t again. So I need someone – preferably someone more informed and present than an online help group or a 1-800 number – that I can talk to when the inside of my head gets too scary.

I have a therapist I know and trust. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s breaking in a new therapist, having to go through the Reader’s Digest Condensed version of my screwed-up life. Dr. B. at least doesn’t have to start from ground zero. I’m fortunate that she’s still available.

My meds have remained relatively stable; what I need is talk therapy. I’ve been on the same meds and the same dosages for quite a while now. I know within reason it’s not another or a stronger drug I need now. It’s something that meds don’t offer – a face, a voice, a presence that understands, listens, calls me on mistaken assumptions, suggests strategies, reminds me of what I’ve done in the past and how far I’ve come.

You’ll never find that in pill form.

 

Category:

mental health

When Men Aren’t the Gaslighters

In the series of posts I have done on “gaslighting” (https://wp.me/p4e9Hv-pm, https://wp.me/p4e9Hv-C2), the focus has been largely on male gaslighters and female victims of gaslighting. Now it’s time to take a look at the other side: men as victims of gaslighting.

In researching the topic, I found that very little had been written on it. I did find James Barnett. I will not be addressing Barnett’s view of gaslighting as false allegations by narcissistic females to accuse innocent males of emotional abuse (https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/reality-situation-male-victims-abuse-james-barnett/). That, I think, is a different topic.

In my earlier posts, I tried to include the statement that either sex can be gaslighted (gaslit?) and either sex can be the gaslighter, but most writing on the subject, including mine, has treated the one version of gaslighting without the other. Here I will try to expand the dialogue.

Just to recap: Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse in which one person denies the other’s perception of reality, usually with the intention of discounting the victim’s legitimate complaints, often to the point where the victim believes she or he is going crazy.

At its core, gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse – a very specific, toxic, dehumanizing form of bullying, if you will. As in bullying, there are three conditions: a (real or perceived) mismatch between the two people, harm done, and repeated instances. It’s easy enough to see the harm done and the repetition of behaviors in gaslighting.

So, let’s look at the mismatch: One of the people involved (the abuser) has (or is perceived to have) power of some sort over the other. This can be emotional power, as in the dominant person in a relationship; financial power, as in a boss/employee relationship; physical power, as in a caregiver/disabled person relationship; or any other version you can think of.

In any of these situations, either a man or a woman can be the abuser and either a man or a woman can be the abused. Same-sex couples can include a more powerful partner who can exert psychological dominance over the other. Boss and employee can be same or opposite sexes, and so on. So, although we often call the gaslighter “he” and the victim “she,” that is inaccurate and prejudicial.

It is also the most common dynamic in a gaslighting relationship. Sad but true, in most emotional relationships in modern America, a male has psychological or emotional power over a female and hence is more likely to be the gaslighter.

In cases where the male is the victim of gaslighting, however, great harm can be done, simply because of this assumption. The male victim of gaslighting (as indeed the male victim of any emotional or physical abuse) may be discounted – not be believed, be accused of lying, be put down for being a victim. In effect, the male victim has been gaslighted twice – once by the actual abuser (male or female) and again by the system and the people in it who discount his perception of reality.

Women who are victims of gaslighting can, if they are able, recognize the gaslighting for what it is and get help in undoing the damage, either by getting out of the relationship or by having her perception of reality validated and strengthened by a therapist or other caring individuals.

Male victims of gaslighting have the deck stacked against them in this regard. A man may be believed if he reports that a male boss is gaslighting him, and will be encouraged to leave the situation. A male who suffers gaslighting in a romantic relationship is much less likely to be believed and may in addition suffer scorn, pity, or derision for mentioning it.

In that situation, it is a lot more difficult for a man to get help. Friends, relatives, and even therapists may not see or recognize the gaslighting for what it is. The male victim can often believe a gaslighter who says that the victim is indeed crazy and that no one will believe him.

Discussion of this dynamic does nothing to diminish the plight of female gaslighting victims. What it does is acknowledge the male victim’s situation – validate his perception of reality, if you will – and begin a conversation that may help lead to healing for all victims of gaslighting.

 

 

 

 

Category:

mental health

Using Facebook to Track Bipolar Depression

I never planned it this way, but I’ve just realized that I can track my moods (roughly) by looking back at my Facebook posts.

When I joined Facebook, I must have been in a hypomanic phase. Thanks to Facebooks “today’s memories” feature, I can see that I posted numerous things going on in my life and assorted weirdness I’d encountered, usually about language or science or feminism:

Plenty of food in the freezer. (Spare freezer outdoors.) Plenty of food in the fridge. (Spare fridge downstairs.) Plenty of seasoned firewood. Plenty of sweaters. Plenty of cat food. Plenty of cats. We’re ready.

Little to no snow here. But bring your brass monkeys inside tonight, folks!

Weird Non-Word of the Day:

bang (a fine word, except when it purportedly means the singular of bangs, the hairstyle)

I also posted an ongoing series of amusing or stupid headlines I saw on the Internet:

“Oh, Who the Hell Cares?” Headline of the Day:

Is 2014 the year of the biscuit?

Unless you’re a dog. Dogs care deeply about this.

Those were all from January 2014. And from 2013:

Just so you know – do not put a whole summer squash in the microwave. It will explode. This tip courtesy of someone who prefers his name not be mentioned. Thank you. You may now go back to whatever you were doing.

I was engaged. I was communicative. I was – dare I say it? – buoyant.

I was hypomanic, or at least on a level playing field.

This year I have taken two breaks from Facebook for my sanity’s sake, in reaction to all the negativity and bad news appearing there. When I do post, it’s always pass-along memes or cartoons. (I’m glad I’m still “alive” enough to find some things funny.) Occasionally I make comments or ask questions about my friends’ posts – but not damn often. I IM with one or two close friends, and that seems the most “productive” thing I do, some days. A series of days or months like that are a pretty clear indication that I’m on the downswing.

I understand that now Facebook’s memories feature will let you weed out bad memories, instead of reminding you of them and offering to repost them for all to see. (If only I could do the same for my brain!) The problem is, right now, you can only have them block references to certain people and certain dates.

Birthdays and holidays are tough for me, as I know they are for many of you, but, anymore at least, they are not so traumatic that I have to expunge them from my life. I can always choose not to repost them. Just as I can choose not to repost things I said that were about depressing topics – not getting a job, being angry about political bullshit, the death of a pet. The people I would block are already on my blocked list, or are ones I never “friended” in the first place.

Facebook also reminds me what I posted on my blogs in various years, and that gives me some idea of what I was thinking or feeling at the same time in various years. If I wanted or needed to, I could look through my Facebook memories and plot a graph of how my moods fluctuated from month to month, year to year. Yes, I know that there are software apps that will do this for you and that I could keep a mood journal or even a paper-and-pencil graph.

Instead I check my Facebook memories and re-repost things that I still think are funny.

 

 

Category:

mental health

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