Bipolar Me

Completing Therapy

In a sense, there’s no such thing as completing therapy, and in another sense, it’s necessary. Right now, I’m trying to balance between the two poles of that spectrum.

I know that, barring any unlikely miracle cures (which I don’t anticipate), my bipolar disorder is something I’ll be dealing with for the rest of my life. On the other hand, I have on occasion achieved periods of stability in which therapy was no longer a necessity.

Sometimes it’s been my therapist who has encouraged me to leave treatment because they didn’t feel that I had symptoms severe enough to require further therapy at that time. I was, if not cured, stable enough to function well without weekly or biweekly boosts of psychological or psychiatric tune-ups. (Once, when I left therapy this way, Dr. L. told me solemnly, “I hope you don’t think I’m rejecting you.” I didn’t, but I thought it was nice of him to bring up the subject.)

Once I quit therapy because it was supremely unhelpful. It was couples therapy, and it wasn’t achieving its goals. The therapist sided with my husband and shredded me. After a few sessions, I refused to go back.

Sometimes, my therapy has quit me. I had a very good relationship with Dr. R., my psychiatrist, who retired and moved across the country. I knew I still needed the services of a psychiatrist as well as a therapist, so I began the long search for another practitioner who could help me, had an opening, and would take my insurance. It’s a process much like interviewing candidates for a job. You need to find a good fit (i.e., one who won’t shred you). At the time I mostly needed someone who could supervise my meds, as I was seeing a therapist for my ongoing psychological issues.

I stayed with that therapist for years. It began to become clear that perhaps I should leave therapy when I needed therapy less often—once every other week instead of every week, then once every three weeks, and eventually every month. Even when we still had sessions, they ran short because I didn’t have immediate issues that needed to be addressed. And her advice consisted of “Look how far you’ve come” and “Keep doing what you’re doing.” When she moved to a new practice, I had one or two more sessions, then ended therapy. I kept her number, though. You never know.

Right now, I am considering leaving therapy with my psychiatrist for purely practical reasons. Dr. G. only sees people on Thursdays and Saturdays till early afternoon. At the moment, my husband works both those days and hours and we have only one working car. I see Dr. G. four times a year for med check, but it’s becoming increasingly problematic for Dan to get time off work to take me to appointments. I suppose I could take a Lyft, but it’s another expense I can’t afford. Perhaps I should look around for another provider closer to me with better hours. If I can find one that doesn’t have a years-long waiting list, I mean. (I’m told that I need to get a referral from my PCP to get one in-network.) Or someone else in Dr. G.’s practice who would be willing to take me on. (I have to go to the office and fill out a form to accomplish that.) Either way, no guarantees.

There have been times in my life when I felt stable enough to go without a therapist or psychiatrist. Right now, though, I’m having issues with anxiety, hypomania, and insomnia, so I need someone at the very least to prescribe or tweak my dosages.

Most of all, though, I hate the process of finding a new psychiatrist—interviewing them to see if we’re a good fit, telling them the Reader’s Digest version of my screwed-up life, getting my records transferred, and the rest of the tap dance involved.

Wish me luck.