Bipolar 2 From Inside and Out

Posts tagged ‘advice’

Advice from the NYT

On December 30, 2024, the New York Times offered an article: “10 Ways to Keep Your Mind Healthy” in 2025, by Christina Caron and Dana G. Smith. Now, I’m not saying that their advice was bad. I’m just saying it didn’t go far enough. All of their recommendations are things we already know. Someone with a simple need for better mental health may get something from the article. But for someone with a mental disorder, it’s inadequate. Here’s what they said.

1. Move your body.

“If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it 1,000 times: Physical activity is one of the best things you can do for your brain.” Well, we have heard it 1,000 times. The Times notes that people feel better after a workout, but that ones who have a consistent exercise routine, there’s less risk of depression (and dementia). They attribute this to better blood flow and connections in the brain. This is hardly revolutionary advice.

2. Address your anxiety.

Easier said than done. NYT says: “Many Americans are anxious.” They suggest the following solutions. Face what makes you anxious to break the pattern of fear. They say that you can do this kind of exposure therapy with or without a therapist.

They also recommend that you focus on your values rather than anxiety. I’m not sure how this is supposed to work. One suggestion they give is to volunteer in your community. Then they advise that you not catastrophize—but they don’t tell you how to do that, except for journaling about whether you had an appropriate amount of worry compared to the situation.

3. Challenge your brain.

The authors note that this is “still up for debate,” but they say that crossword puzzles, reading, and brain games “can’t hurt,” especially regarding dementia. The most definite thing they way is that such pursuits “can’t hurt.” A professor of psychology adds that “chances are that’s probably good for your brain.” But “good for your brain” is a long way from mentally healthy.

4. Get a good night’s sleep.

Lack of sleep “can affect how they experience stress and negative emotions. They might also be more likely to ruminate, be quicker to anger, have more negative thoughts or find it harder to cope with stress.” Those are serious symptoms, and for once, the NYT recommends actual therapy—Cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia, or C.B.T.-I. They note that it is more effective than medication. At last, some useful information!

5. Get unstuck.

Good idea, but how to do it? According to the NYT, you should conduct a “friction audit.” which basically means identifying your problems and trimming them away, whatever that means. They also recommend “futurecasting,” or imagining you aren’t stuck and what steps would get you there. “Try to do at least one step each day.” Baby steps are good, of course, but doing one per day isn’t practical for most people with mental disorders. A therapist might help with this, but the NYT is silent regarding that possibility.

6. Stay cool.

At last, something that you may not already know! “Studies show that hot days impair our cognition and make us more aggressive, irritable and impulsive.” Typical ways of cooling off are recommended: stay cool and hydrated, use air conditioning or a fan, spritz yourself with cold water or take a cool shower, or go to a nearby cooling shelter. Nothing there but obvious remedies.

7. Quiet your inner critic.

If only we could! The inner critic is a real thing, and it makes you miserable. But the trick is how to do it. The authors suggest “letting go of that nagging feeling…and giving yourself credit credit for what you accomplish.” They do quote a psychology professor who suggests using “you” or your name rather than “I” when you engage in internal dialogue, which I take to mean affirmations.

8. Take care of your physical health.

This sounds good; the body and brain, of course, are interrelated. The NYT recommends taking a quiz about your physical health that analyzes common health conditions and behaviors such as blood pressure, cholesterol, and exercise. It’s said to estimate your risk for depression, as well as dementia and stroke. But most general practitioners these days use a specific depression screening quiz with more questions particular to that condition.

9. Make a new friend.

This is a great idea. People with mental disorders need a support system which can certainly include friends as well as family. One problem is gaining the courage and social skills to make overtures. The Times notes that loneliness can increase brain inflammation that damages brain cells and the connections between them. Then the article recommends reaching out to a friend or family member, joining a club, or attending a support group. Reaching out is difficult for people with depression in particular. Waiting for someone to reach in to you is sometimes all you can manage.

10. Forgive — or don’t!

Contradictory advice? Certainly. The Times article suggests that “forgiveness is an emotional process rather than an endpoint.” So, should you or shouldn’t you? Maybe. Forgiving someone who’s hurt you may lead to fewer negative feelings, the Times says, but they also recommend a book called You Don’t Need to Forgive: Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms by Amanda Gregory.

I know what you’re going to say: This article is intended for the general public. It makes no mention of the many things such as therapy and medication that can help you achieve a healthy mind if you have a mental disorder. That the actions mentioned are meaningful adjuncts to those interventions.

But the title is misleading. I first got treatment for my mental health when I saw a sign for a mental health clinic and realized that whatever I was feeling, it wasn’t mentally healthy. At that point I received therapy, and later was prescribed medication. And they truly helped.

I would hate to think that someone like me would ready this article and think that the suggested actions, by themselves, will make a person mentally healthy. They are great adjuncts to proper treatment but won’t solve many problems that people with mental disorders have. If, like me, your only realization is that you don’t feel mentally healthy, the article may prevent or delay getting significant treatment.

So, go ahead. Try all the advice in this article. But if you still don’t feel you’re on an even keel, seek other kinds of help.

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Mental Health

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Reminders for New Year’s (and Beyond)

I’m not big on New Year’s resolutions. I can barely plan my day, let alone the whole year. And I’m also not big on making commitments I know I can’t or won’t keep.

Instead, I remind myself of certain behaviors I think I (maybe) can accomplish and refer to the list as often as needed. Here are a few suggestions that may be appropriate reminders for you as well.

You don’t have to drink alcohol at New Year’s Eve parties. Or ever, really. No one should try to pressure you into doing this, but if they do, simply saying, “No thanks,” should be enough. If the person is really pushy, you may have to ask, “Do you have soda or fruit juice?” You are not required to explain why you don’t want to drink alcohol, and you may want to forego attending parties that do not have such non-alcoholic alternatives in the future. You don’t have to attend parties at all, and “No, I can’t make it” is a perfectly reasonable response to an invitation. Or “Maybe next year.”

You don’t have to make New Year’s resolutions per se. You can have New Year’s intentions, small goals you don’t have to announce to the world at large and that you don’t have to beat yourself up over if you don’t fulfill them. Instead of resolving to jog every day, intend to get out of doors once a week, even if it’s only to walk to the mailbox and back. Baby steps, after all.

I hate to use the word “should,” but you should keep track of your medications, reorder them if they’re getting low, and see your prescribing physician if the scripts are about to run out. That’s just common sense that’s necessary for your mental health, not a resolution. These days, you may even be able to arrange to have meds delivered.

Try to engage in a hobby once in a while. Say, once a month. It honestly doesn’t matter what the hobby is. Read a book, or even a short story or magazine article. Knit or crochet. Repot a plant. Water a plant. Do a crossword puzzle. Bake your favorite cookies, then eat them all yourself if you want to.

Keep comfort objects nearby. These can be anything that soothes you. A music playlist. A stuffed animal. A scented candle. A cozy blanket or sweater. A favorite warm beverage like cocoa or green tea. Don’t be embarrassed about using them to ground yourself. Most neurotypical people won’t even notice if you’re wearing a favorite sweater or have a scented candle lit.

You can connect with people online. This counts as interacting with people. Say happy birthday. Forward a funny meme. You don’t have to make it specific to your condition, but there are plenty of people on Facebook, for example, who have bipolar disorder or PTSD or an autoimmune disorder. You don’t even have to interact with them. You can join a group, then just sit back and see what others post there.

Avoid triggers, if you can. That judgmental aunt. Your creepy cousin. Your boastful neighbor. Again, you have the right to say no and not explain why. (It’s the not explaining that’s the hardest.) Don’t watch movies that you find upsetting, whether it’s Die Hard or Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (which many people don’t like because of the implicit bullying).

Write about how you feel, if you want to. It could be a mood journal, a regular journal, a letter that you will never mail, a poem. Don’t feel that you have to show it to anyone. Tear it up afterward, if you want to.

You don’t have to face the new year as a whole. If you must have resolutions, resolve to get through the next week or even the next day.

Make an appointment with your therapist. Many therapists are offering tele-visits these days, so it’s easier than ever just to touch base or to work through a problem, a trigger, or feeling overwhelmed.

In other words, do whatever you can to get you through the next day, week, month, or season. The year will take care of itself, whether you make resolutions or not.

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Mental Health

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Do I Need Advice or Do I Need to Vent?

COK House / adobestock.com

Sometimes we need advice. But sometimes we just need to vent. This is true of all people but especially true of people with mental illness.

Venting is the act of getting something off your chest. It may come explosively if it has built up for a while. There may be one final incident, however tiny, that sets you off. All you really want is to feel heard, that someone acknowledges your distress and understands it. All you really need is a sympathetic ear and maybe a pat on the shoulder.

Venting acts as a safety valve. It allows you to “let off steam” that might otherwise build up pressure until it comes out violently, or at least excessively.

Why do I say this is particularly true of people with mental illness? So often we have feelings we can’t articulate, thoughts we don’t understand, or events that trigger us in both large and small ways. It’s natural to want to keep all these things inside. We’re taught to do that – not to “let the crazy show,” to keep all those messy thoughts and feelings to ourselves. Eventually, we get to the point where we think that no one will understand anyway, so there’s no point in giving voice to these feelings.

Then, when we do finally vent, inevitably someone says we’re overreacting. Because, you know, crazy.

If I’m venting, the wrong thing to do is to give me advice. Unless I specifically ask for advice, that is. But even well-meaning advice can easily go wrong. People who do not suffer from psychiatric conditions often offer advice regarding what works for them when they feel a certain way. And yes, a walk in the fresh air and sunshine can certainly be uplifting. But when I’m too depressed to get out of bed, it can be an impossibility. It can even make me feel worse about myself.

To me, suggestions for possible remedies for my disorder are even worse. It’s taken me and my assorted doctors years to assemble the right medications at the right dosages to tame my bipolar disorder down to something livable. When someone tries to tout the latest remedy they heard about – Pilates, elderberries, juice cleanse, probiotics, or whatever – it feels to me like “pill-shaming,” like I’m being blamed because none of my meds will “fix” me thoroughly enough. Add the fact that these suggestions come from questionable sources – laypersons or bogus “studies” – and I’m likely to dig in my heels and feel offended.

At times, though, I do need advice. When I do, I usually get it from my therapist, someone else who shares my disorder, or an old friend who has been there for me on my journey. Sometimes I need a reality check – am I just catastrophizing or is it really true that something bad might be happening? Sometimes I need help dealing with a specific person – what can I say to my sister to help her understand my condition? Sometimes I need a reminder that I really ought to make an appointment with my therapist and get a “check-up from the neck up.”

And it should be understood that advice is just that – a suggestion that I am free to take or leave. Even my therapist, who usually gives very good advice when I ask her, sometimes suggests techniques or approaches that just don’t work for me. And even she knows that sometimes I just need to vent, to feel the feelings of sorrow or hurt or rage and let them out in a safe place. To quote Jimmy Buffet, “It cleans me out and then I can go on.”

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