Bipolar 2 From Inside and Out

Posts tagged ‘husband’

Cookie Theory

Many of you are probably already familiar with Spoon Theory (and if you’re not, go here and read it: http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/).

In my previous post, I explained my Theory of Misery and Math. This week, inspired by something a friend posted, I will expound on Cookie Theory. Here’s the post:

argument

As I commented then, even an RSVP is optional. This is especially good advice if your FB friends post on controversial topics, as a number of mine do.

On to Cookie Theory. Just as I didn’t invent Spoon Theory, I can’t claim Cookie Theory as my own. My husband shared it with me, on the weekend over 30 years ago when we met.

I was having a difficult time (to say the least) with my boyfriend at the time, whom we’ll call Rex. Among the difficulties was that I was stranded, several hundred miles from home, with no money. I had to borrow money from every single person I knew there, including some, like my future husband, that I had just met, in order to get bus fare. And find someone who would take me to the bus station.

Dan, the aforementioned future husband, was the one who gave me a ride, and as I was waiting for the bus, he shared with me these words of wisdom:

Just because someone hands you shit cookies doesn’t mean you have to eat them.

The more I pondered this metaphor, the more I realized how insightful it was. Rex had generously supplied me with shit cookies over the year and a half I knew him. And I ate them. I was also supposed to pretend they were chocolate chip. And say yum, yum.

And I did.

The bus wasn’t the only thing that stopped for me that day. So did my willingness to eat the cookies.

The first step is training yourself to recognize the difference between shit cookies and chocolate chip. The second is saying no. (Like refusing an invitation to an argument. Just say no and walk away. Or catch a bus.)

I’m not claiming it’s easy. But when someone hands you a put-down, a micro-aggression, a lie, ask yourself, “Is this a chocolate chip cookie?” If not, don’t take it. Don’t eat it.

Then stay on that diet. It’s amazing how much weight it will take off you.

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Mental Health

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Taking Turns

For the past several days, I have been dealing with a husband in severe pain from osteoarthritis, plantar fasciitis, and back spasms.

I have driven him to Urgent Care, picked up prescriptions, provided him with a walking stick and a cane, set up a heating pad, researched his conditions on the computer, talked him through his exercises, and more. I wish I could do all this without getting cranky. I wish he would follow my advice more, especially when I tell him to see a doctor. But sometimes he’s such a guy.

What I have been doing for him is nothing – at all – compared to what he did for me and how he supported me when I had my last breakdown, which lasted several years. He did everything. Shopping, pet care, cooking, paying bills, earning a paycheck. Not to mention loving me through the despair, irrational thinking, sobbing uncontrollably, immobilization, and all the rest.

He really took that whole “in sickness and in health” thing to heart. Now it’s my turn to do likewise.

I am completely out of spoons. I will carry on anyway. He deserves it.

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Mental Health

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