Bipolar 2 From Inside and Out

Posts tagged ‘work’

Saved From My Manicky Self

My usual mania symptom is overspending. This time, it was overextending.

It went down like this.

My side gig is as a ghostwriter. It doesn’t pay a lot, but it supplements my Social Security and, as my friend Robbin and I used to say, keeps me from stealing hubcaps.

Usually, I write self-help books. Ways to declutter your house. How to write in plain English (that one was fun). Advice for older teens nearing adulthood. How to end burnout. Grieving the death of a pet. They’re popular topics, but not very interesting to write about. (Occasionally, I get a more challenging and interesting topic, like pandemic preparedness or flesh-eating diseases.)

But, even though I took the fiction writer’s test and passed, I’ve only written one fiction book. It was pure smut. I have no moral or philosophical objection to pornography (or erotica, or whatever you wish to call it). I did the assignment and the customer was happy with it.

But I’ve been so booked up with self-help that I haven’t had the opportunity or the time to seek out a fiction assignment.

Until recently. I was contacted about writing a plot outline for a piece of fiction with the likelihood of getting to write the book after the customer approved the outline. It would be a 100,000-word paranormal fantasy romance, which sounded like a treat after self-help and smut. I was on the shortlist for the assignment.

And I really wanted it. I heard about the prospect just before the weekend and figured I wouldn’t hear a decision about it until Monday at least. I spent the weekend rolling it over and over in my mind—developing lead character, love interest, and villains; thinking up places in the multiverse where scenes could take place.

In other words, I got manicky. Realistically, I should have simply turned down the project. I’m already working on a project that will keep me busy through the end of January, and I write 1,500 words a day on it. If I took on the fantasy book, that expected word count would double. At least until February, I would be writing 3,000 words a day.

Theoretically, that’s not impossible. But I have a writing routine that allows me to get my 1,500 words done every day and leave time for self-care, interaction with my husband, meals, etc. It fits in well with how I work around my bipolar disorder and my strategies for coping with the symptoms.

And if I had made it from the shortlist to the one-list, I would have tried to do it. That was the manicky part of myself talking. It said I could do it, and do it well.

But I didn’t get the assignment. My disappointment was mingled with relief. Realistically, it was doubtful that I could have done it. The chance that I would do poorly on one assignment or the other, or both, was high. The possibility of working myself to frustration or exhaustion was real. It really would have been a bad idea.

So I dodged a proverbial bullet. My manic tendencies were short-circuited, and I was saved from acting on the feeling that I could do it all.

I’ll try to remember that, the next time I’m tempted to overextend myself. I’ll still be on the lookout for fiction assignments, but I won’t take one unless my schedule is clear.

The bad news is that I’m still manicky and back to overspending.

Remote Work and Mental Health

Nowadays, many workplaces have a toxic culture or at least a dysfunctional one. They demand – not just expect – more from their employees than any human being should have to, or be willing to, give. Sixty-hour weeks. Twelve-hour days. Giving up weekends and holidays. They treat employees as fungible things that can be easily replaced and regularly are, especially if they don’t live up to the brutal “standards” that are supposedly required by the free market.

Toxic workplaces are also full of toxic people. Bullying of employees and coworkers is common. Gaslighting even happens, more regularly than we’d like to admit. Required conformity and enforced corporate “team-building” parties and picnics suck the meaning out of workplace enjoyment. Exhortations that the workplace is a “family” and then behaving in ways that belie this are rampant – false, harmful, and destructive.

Corporate practices aren’t human-friendly, much less family-friendly. Flexible working hours, job-sharing, onsite childcare, remote work, part-time work, and extended sick and other types of leave are largely reserved for only the highest echelons or never even considered for any workers. Health and disability insurance are nonexistent or ultra-expensive for workers because of the monetary costs to the company. Discussions about the stress caused by work end in suggestions to try yoga. Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs), if they exist, provide some therapy, but only with a provider of the company’s choosing and usually only for six weeks or so.

Then along comes the COVID pandemic. Suddenly, corporations and other, smaller businesses were faced with the difficulties of staffing during lockdowns and quarantines. All of a sudden, workers weren’t so available or so desperate. Owners had to scramble to hire enough workers to keep the wheels turning. Some businesses were forced to raise wages. Others had to rethink corporate travel to cut costs.

And some turned to remote work. Not all could, of course. Some jobs simply can’t be done from home. Construction workers, wait staff, airline attendants, and countless others were simply let go or put on furlough, many of them without even partial pay. But many jobs, particularly office jobs, were the sorts that could be done from home, on the phone or via computer. And that proved beneficial both for the affected companies and for the mental health of their workers. Bosses suddenly realized that work-from-home even improved the bottom line, reducing overhead. It soon became clear that home-workers were able to be as or even more productive when not being constantly interrupted by mandatory meetings and other useless exercises.

How did telecommuting affect workers’ mental health? First, remote workers were spared from many aspects of toxic workplaces. Micromanaging became largely unfeasible.

This certainly helped improve their working conditions and stress. So did getting respectably dressed only from the waist up, especially for those of us with limited spoons. Being able to step away from the computer for a half-hour or more to do something about chores or even hobbies provided a welcome break. Lunches could now be taken whenever you were hungry and last more than 30 minutes. Even spending more time with pets reduced stress and provided emotional support that’s next to impossible in most workplaces.

Many of the stresses that so exacerbate mental health conditions were at least lessened. People were more comfortable in their own homes, with comfort objects and self-care items more readily available. Those with a greater need for alone time suddenly had more of it. If they found that they could work better or more productively part-time at home, it was a benefit for the companies as well.

Of course, not all bosses took to this new way of working. Once they figured out that employees could be more productive when working at home, some of them upped output requirements. They could insist that employees remain logged in during standard working hours, making flex-time less doable. Or they started requiring more output from those telecommuting, or scheduling Skype meetings that cut into employees’ time.

I work at home, remotely, and have for a number of years. I do so because I have been fortunate enough to find jobs that pay (though not a lot), jobs that match my skill set, jobs that aren’t 9-5, and jobs that are conducive to working around my days of depression and hypomania. I’ve considered going back to work in an office from time to time when funds were low, but not enough to actively pursue it. Truth to tell, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do that again, and not just because I like working in my pajamas. (For those who are curious, I’m doing transcription and ghostwriting at the moment. They provide a supplement to Social Security and allow me time to work on my blogs.)

Did toxic work environments cause mental illness? Probably not, though they have pushed some people closer to the edge and others past the breaking point. It’s hard to work in corporate culture with any kind of mental disorder (except possibly narcissism). For these people, remote working is a blessing. COVID has been devastating, but one of its side effects has been to improve working conditions for millions of people – and especially those living with mental illnesses.

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