Bipolar 2 From Inside and Out

Dear Bipolar Disorder

Dear Bipolar Disorder,

We’ve had a relationship for decades now, though it’s one I never chose. To tell the truth, I can’t even remember when we met. Gradually, you just moved in. So I guess we’re stuck as roommates for the rest of my life. You can’t break your lease and I can’t move out. That being said, there are some things I need to talk to you about. We’ve never been friends. We never will be. I have some issues with you; there are compromises we need to make.

I’ll take my meds faithfully, if you keep working with them. By that I mean no major depressions of longer than a week and no panic attacks while I’m trying to sleep.

I’ll pay for those meds, as long as you back off enough to let me keep working and earning money and paying for insurance. Just leave me enough concentration to do that and to read, and I’ll be satisfied.

I won’t go to Chuck E. Cheese or Cici’s Pizza or shopping at a mall anytime after Thanksgiving, if you will let me go out at other times to other places without getting your figurative undies in a bundle.

I will try to minimize the stress in my life (see above), if you will cut out the physical symptoms when there is stress anyway. You know the ones I’m talking about. Ick. Just ick. I hate cleaning up after you.

And can we talk about spoons? I know you only give me a limited number per day, but it would sure help if I knew what that number was. Is there any way you can be more consistent? If I have to borrow spoons from the next day or force myself to attend to some vital call or lengthy errand despite not having spoons, I promise to spend the next day in bed, just to satisfy you.

Please, if you can, give me some non-anxiety-laden hypomania so that I can go out and enjoy things with my husband and friends. If you agree to this, I will occasionally let you buy things off the Internet, for $20 or less.

And while we’re on the subject of enjoyment, I would appreciate it if you would give me back my libido. So would my husband. I know you don’t take orders from him, but it would be esteemed a favor.

Don’t even talk to me about hurting myself. I won’t listen. No matter how loud you get.

Don’t get between me and my friends. You’ve done that too often already and I just can’t put up with it anymore.

No more screwing with my memories. I’ve already lost enough. You can keep the ones of everything stupid I’ve ever done, but I will not watch when you push play on my internal video playback.

Now that I’ve finally got some self-esteem back, you just keep your claws off it. I need it and you don’t.

No dogs allowed. Especially large Black Dogs.

Oh, and tell your buddy Depression to leave my husband alone.

No love,

Me

 

 

Comments on: "Dear Bipolar Disorder" (8)

  1. I was originally diagnosed with bipolar2 before my BPD diagnosis so I can relate to a lot of what you write. I’m in a Facebook BPD support group and one of the things I notice is how many people can’t work (same with bipolar of course) and I feel rather odd. Of course I’ve had a LOT of jobs and lost several of them because of my temperament but I’ve been working in the same job for 7 years and when I think of it, and the times I was almost fired, it’s kind of a miracle. I really don’t know how I keep it but I worry about keeping it every day. Yes, also to pay for the insurance. If we don’t get our meds, it’s over. So many other things in your piece I can relate to. I don’t like large black dogs either! I get a lot of insight from your writing. Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love this.
    Thank you for sharing with us.

    Like

  3. I can relate with this post times a million. I actually just wrote a piece similar to this. Thank you for sharing.

    Like

  4. It’s my pleasure to share. Thank you for wanting to read it 🙂

    Like

  5. thank you. this is how i feel so often too

    Like

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